Category Archives: life

”A Sucker for curries”

With a dramatic week coming to an end iv spent nearly everyday with my best friends in manchester! Its actually been so beautiful and path of realisation for us all. A lot of our days consisted of going out for coffee and mainly for cute little meals.

After all the over drinking and eating over the christmas period iv decided to change my eating routine and become healthier so i can achieve a lot this year. Iv taken on the Juice + programme which gives me 17 portions of my fruit and veg a day in just one drink! Which allows me to eat literally anything and remain healthy

Im a sucker for currys! I love chicken tikka Masala but with the bar not serving this i decided to try chicken Korma for the first time! I can officially say it was perfect. I have a lot of blog posts coming your way over the next few days so keep an eye out

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Dealing With the Online Haters!

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If you have an online presence you are pretty much going to find you with have some people who do not like you, for whatever reason, you’re going to find the haterz. As much as we would like to beat them down with a sharp stiletto it just ain’t going to work out that way!

Okay, violence aside, here are some things I have learned recently about other people’s nastiness — online or in “real life”.

It is never about you. I know that sounds like a weird cop-out, but it’s true. Happy people don’t chew other people out — they just don’t have time, they’re busy getting on with their lives. Seriously. It is more likely that you are a convenient scapegoat, or you just got caught in the crossfire (wrong place/wrong time).

Do you think the Dalai Lama makes crank calls and hacks people’s facebook accounts? I don’t. People who whinge, moan, bitch, gossip and make nasty judgements are dissatisfied with themselves. (I know, because I used to be one of them myself.)

The way you behave towards other people is only EVER a reflection of how you feel about yourself. If you’re a tosser to everyone you work with, well, there’s obviously something going on with you. So remember — if someone attacks you, it’s not your problem, it’s THEIR stuff. Don’t feel like you need to take their nastiness on board, don’t give them that power.

Angry and mean people just want a reaction. They’re dying for it. Think about it, if you’re cruel to someone else and they don’t respond to you, or they act as if you don’t exist, you’ll feel like you’ve wasted your time. All they REALLY want is for you to cry, scream, yell, or make a vitriolic post on your blog/twitter/facebook. Doing this validates their existence — it tells them that they have some control in a world in which they feel powerless. If you don’t respond to them, they’ll get bored and move on to someone who plays the drama card; those people are much more fun to toy with. I know how tempting it can be to get angry, crack a vicious one-liner, or “get someone back”. But just don’t. Don’t dignify their behaviour with a response.

In an ideal world, we would all have unshakeable faith in ourselves, utmost confidence, intact self esteem and a deep feeling of significance. The truth is, most of us don’t, and the meanest people (otherwise known as those who have been doing it longest, or those who have the most personal pain) are sometimes excellent at digging into those parts of us which aren’t secure. It’s like they have a radar — they know you dislike your stomach, so they mention it every time they have a go at you. Usually, the reason we’re hurt by a comment is because it resonates with us, or because we secretly fear that what they’ve said is true.

If somebody’s being a turd and all you really want to do is leave them a facebook comment about their size of their manhood (or whatever), stop. Take a deep breath. Read their comment to you, out loud, . tell them how much you loathe them, how you wish a plague upon their house, etc. etc. Tell yourself that you love and forgive and accept yourself the way you are. Then take a deep breath. Have a glass of water. Sit in the sun and listen to some Rufus Wainwright (this step is optional).

Trust me, it works!

Remember: we don’t give no shit, we don’t take no shit, we’re not in the shit business!

Keep your head up high!

Twitter: @itsraimdeer

Facebook: facebook.com/raimisays

(All images sources available by clicking on the picture themselves)

Beating the Christmas Blues ”AKA MAN FLU”

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This morning i woke up feeling a bit under the weather! i call it the christmas blue’s! as all i wish is that everyday could be christmas. Instead of feeling sorry for myself iv decided to put together a few tips on how to survive the christmas blue’s or what all you other people call the man flu.

Tips

1: This might sound vain, but it has to be done! Take a quick picture of yourself and judge from the image if your looking well enough to leave the house. Because you don’t want to be leaving the house looking like death’s at your door. Cause that my friends… is SOCIAL SUICIDE.

2: Before you leave the house. BRUSH your teeth & pack some mints, I’m hoping everyone sticks to the twice a day rule or even more but especially whilst your ill pack some fresh mints in your pockets as having dog’s breath could ruin any chances of becoming a plastic.

3: Stick to something basic. Something that doesn’t require a lot of energy and something that will make you feel emotionally and physically better. In my case i headed down to the nearest cafe rouge and treated myself to cake and coffee! Sugar and caffeine will always make you feel better! But make sure you stick to regina Georgie’s rules and only eat foods with less than 30 percent calories from fat.

4: Go home to a nice warm bed and sleep it off and hopefully the next day you will be looking and feeling as fresh as a babies bottom! But before you sleep make sure you watch Mean girls and tell yourself ”Okay, I’m going to forgive you because I’m a very Zen person… and I’m on a lot of pain medication right now.”

Coffee Catch up with Nada Adelle

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Today i had possibly one of the worst days ever at work. Slightly hungover from all the festive partying to be put in annoying situation with customers. So i decided to catch up with Nada Adelle which was beautiful as i haven’t seen her since just before christmas! We took a quick trip to ancient Egypt looking for the aquarium but got lost.

After a walk around and joining the gym we sat down for a cute little coffee and gossiped none stop about rubbish as usual. But i loved it. Speaking to someone is actually the best way to release your stress. Just thought i’d share a few little shots from today! Hope you have a fab weekend

I Don’t Know What I Want To Do With My Life!

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Quitting a job which makes you feel like you’re decomposing is an INCREDIBLY liberating feeling.

Never feel bad about leaving your soul-sucking, spirit-crushing boredom festival. I mean, uh, job with good prospects! Do you know why you shouldn’t feel bad about leaving it? A boring job is not like a boring pair of jeans — with boring jeans, you can throw on a red sequinned bolero, tease your hair to the heavens and wear a pair of shoes so magnificent that your jeans will suddenly seem invisible. But a boring job is not as versatile. Those bastards have you chained to a desk, eight hours a day. It’s such a huge chunk of your life gone, and if your boss suddenly turns into a monster (among other possible worst case scenarios), it can really cast an ugly pallor on everything else.

Simply put, it is impossible to be happy when your job makes you want to throw yourself out the window.

Oh baby, I’ve been there! I know how bad it can get. So, how did I know what I wanted to do? Well, I didn’t really. For a couple of years prior, I had this idea that I wanted to start a magazine. But the expense in starting up a magazine (on any decent scale) is HUGE and it just started to look more and more unstable. I didn’t really know what to do.

I started to make a list of possible things I could do to earn money. I have always known, instinctively, that writing about fashion and lifestyle is what I should be doing. I love interacting with an audience, I love style, aesthetics , everything about it. I think, though, that someone had convinced me that writers don’t make any money, so I had decided that I wasn’t going to do that. Pfffttttt! I should have listened to my mother, who always told me, “do what you love and the money will follow”. So I decided to start a blog, I do earn from it, but currently also work but hopefully will be working full time here before long.

I wouldn’t do anything else.

So — here are my tips.

Make lists of things you think you would enjoy doing. Show them to your friends and family, get their opinion. There might be something obvious that you forgot to put down. If they make rude comments or act negatively, please don’t listen! They’re just jealous that they’re not as brave as you are…

Focus on what you WANT! What would your dream career be like? (For example, I never thought that taking narcissistic photos of myself, one of my favourite ever things to do, would generate income… and yet!) If you have fears (“I’m not capable of making any money”; “I’m a failure”; “I have no skills”; “I’m a talentless hack”; “no one will ever take me seriously”; “I fear that branching out on my own will prove how lame I really am!”) GET RID OF THEM!

SAVE! Start now, if not sooner. If you don’t want to start without a nest-egg, start working towards building up that money. Get a couple of extra jobs if you can. Make that nest-egg your top priority.

Do your research. Check out other people doing something like what you want to do. How professional are they? What do they charge? Make a list of ways in which you are going to be better than them.

Know when to throw in the towel. Everyone has bad days, even in their dream career — for me, sometimes I can’t think of a single thing to write, can’t dress myself and feel like locking myself in a cupboard — but it’s not because I hate my job, it’s because I’m moody. Learn to differentiate between a bad day and actually disliking what you’re doing.

You will make mistakes. Make them quickly! In my experience, the more things you try, the closer you get to doing what you REALLY want.

Be brave. Have faith in yourself. Know that you can do it! ‘Cause you can, baby!

Click on the below quotes to tweet them! SIMPLES!

Quote #1.
“Is life not a thousand times too short for us to bore ourselves?” — Friedrich Nietzsche

Quote #2.
“Magic is believing in yourself, if you can do that, you can make anything happen.” — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I would say good luck, but you don’t need it, you little genius!

Twitter: @itsraimz

Facebook: facebook.com/raimisays

(All images sources available by clicking on the picture themselves)

How To Keep Your Relationship Fresh!

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There are no two ways about it, sometimes relationships are tough. Sometimes, even those of us in the most blissful domestic situations view the single life with a mixture of envy and wistfulness. Sometimes, you just want to be alone, or start new, or even commit bloody murder. If, however, you’re actually reasonably happy with your loved one, it’s usually easier to try and revive things than break up with your lover! Here are some ways to go about it.

Tell your girlfriend to block off a few hours one day this week, then take her on a secret picnic.

Bake together and then pull what we in the business call “a Violet Blue” — meaning your lover feeds you and you’re not allowed to use your hands.

Write lists of reasons why you think your boyfriend is hot/a genius/the best ever, and leave them in secret places.

Communicate!

Go camping at the beach and tell each other ghost stories

Resist the urge to ‘win’ every argument. (There is no such thing.)

Be vocal about your adoration.

Hold hands when you’re sleeping.

Make up ridiculous names for one another.

Do new things together. Go to the orchestra, the opera, the ballet, little dive bars in Chinatown, the casino, the state fair, art galleries, libraries, vintage clothing stores. Dress up and do it properly, make it an occasion.

Sit in cafes, drink coffee or hot chocolate, and talk. No cellphones, no newspapers, no paperbacks. Just the two of you.

Cook a big meal together once a week

Spend time underneath blankets.

Make sandcastles at the beach.

Keep photobooth pictures of the two of you in your wallet.

Kiss!

How do you keep your relationship fresh?

Twitter: @itsraimdeer

Facebook: facebook.com/raimisays

(All images sources available by clicking on the picture themselves)

Dealing With the Online Haters!

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Okay, violence aside, here are some things I have learned recently about other people’s nastiness — online or in “real life”.

Trust me, it works!

Remember: we don’t give no shit, we don’t take no shit, we’re not in the shit business!

Keep your head up high!

Twitter: @itsraimdeer

Facebook: facebook.com/raimisays

(All images sources available by clicking on the picture themselves)

Christmas Is a Time of Love, So How Do You Make Long Distance Love Work?

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Having a long-distance lover can be one of the most exciting things ever, or it can be one of the most heart-rending experiences of your life… and sometimes both at the same time.

The weird, sad truth is that until you spend copious amounts of time together (by which I mean, for example, 9 consecutive days, rather than 6 months of seeing each other for two days at a time), you’ll never really know how well the two of you mesh. I know this might sound a bit cynical, but ANYONE can turn on the charm for two days. It’s the long stretches of time which really tell you what the other person is like. Are they unbearably cranky on Monday mornings? Do they start drinking as soon as they get home on a Wednesday? Until you spend a week in their company, you won’t know.

This is not me trying to dissuade you from engaging in a long-distance love affair; far from it. They can be fabulous (especially if you’re a busy person and don’t feel the need for a ‘full-time’ lover!) — but all I’m saying is, if you decide to move in together, or one of you moves city for the other, please spend at least a week together in a one- or two-bedroom apartment! It will really tell you a lot about how you work together. I think it should be compulsory — a law! But it’s not, so all I can do is advise you to proceed with caution!

Here are the good things about long-distance relationships:

Love letters, pining, anticipation, travel, the total bliss of spending time with someone you’ve been dying to see, having lots to catch up on, long adorable phone-calls, lots of time to do your own thing and be independent, visiting another city and discovering new things, showing your lover around your city and planning cool things to do together.

Here are the bad things:

Long stretches of time alone, never really knowing what the other person is up to (not good if you’re jealous/insecure), the expense of travelling, the time involved in travelling, having to count out pairs of underwear to take with you when you go, packing, the actual travelling, sleeping alone, the feeling of pressure that you have to make the most of the time you have together, wondering what kind of future you could possibly have and knowing that something will have to change in order for that to happen.

Long-distance love affairs can be fraught with friction. I have had the experience!, so here’s what I can tell you about this strange pathway to romance!

Define your relationship as quickly as possible

I learnt this one the hard way (ouch). If you think you’re a monogamous couple, or you would LIKE to be monogamous with this person, discuss it. I know it might seem a bit scary, and you don’t want to pressure the other person or get on their ‘bad side’ if you bring it up, but your heart is worth more than that! If the person you thought was your girlfriend sleeps with someone else because of some miscommunication, it is going to hurt. Work it out ahead of time. If the other person isn’t receptive to your idea, know that staying with them is probably going to be a rather painful exercise. Only you can determine how much pain you want to feel in your life, so act accordingly!

Stay in contact

Communicate often but try not to obsess… if you can help it! I have had long-distance relationships which ended up taking over my life because my girlfriend and I were so consumed with constantly texting, emailing and calling one another. Remember: you have a life, a career/schooling, your own friends! Try not to neglect these things because you’re glued to your phone. Usually in a relationship, the two of you will have different expectations of communication. Do you want to talk on the phone for hours every night, or is that just not practical? Do your best to compromise — maybe have two long phone conversations a week and send email the rest of the time. You can also send packages, letters, plane tickets or flowers.

Remember that your view of them is limited

New relationships are very exciting and often they turn into an insane case of limerence. I often find that long-distance love affairs are even more intense than normal ones, simply because of all the initial stumbling blocks. You never see them for very long, so you never have time to get sick of them. When you do finally see them, you’re both so pumped up that the adrenaline gets you totally high, and then they disappear so the initial thrill is instantly replaced with a feeling of longing. It’s a liiiittle bit unrealistic — not to say that amazing love doesn’t exist, but in real life, everyone has crazy families and irritating workmates and days when they can’t dress themselves. Do your best to keep it in perspective!

Be mindful of the cash you’re spending

Long-distance relationships can be really expensive. Plane tickets and phone-calls start to add up quickly. If one of you is doing all the travelling or making all the phonecalls, it will feel a bit unbalanced and can cause resentment.

Make friends with their friends

Do your best to find things you have in common with their friends. The reason for this is twofold, one of which is slightly sneaky. Reason one: if you’re thinking about moving to be with your new favourite person, you’re going to live a very lonely life if they’re the only person you know. Reason two: if you have any doubts as to their fidelity, being on good terms with their friends means you’re more likely to be privy to any guarded information.

Have your own reasons

If you end up moving city to be closer to them, having your own reasons for moving (other than proximity to them), it will make your transition much smoother. You don’t want “but I moved here for you!” to become a bargaining chip. (I’m reminded of an episode of Sex and The City, where Charlotte, who converts to Judaism, says to her boyfriend, “I gave up Christ for you, and you can’t even give up the Mets?!”. Her boyfriend retorts, “It’s going to be a long life if you keep that up! ‘I gave up Christ for you, take out the trash!’”. You see my point.) If you have a good job and friends in the new city, you will be much happier.

Long-distance romance can be very tough, but if you are both committed to making it work, there’s no reason why it can’t.

Best of luck to you!

Twitter: @itsraimdeer

Facebook: facebook.com/raimisays

(All images sources available by clicking on the picture themselves)

Eating Disorders: The Cold Hard Truth

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I just watched this documentary called ‘Thin’ which was, predictably enough, all about eating disorders. (please don’t watch it if you feel it might trigger you) It followed the progress of four women at a treatment facility called Renfrew in Florida — Brittany, Shelley, Polly and Alisa. The movie ends with an update on all the women. One of them loses 40 pounds and tries to commit suicide. The other three continue to lose weight rapidly and are battling with anorexia/bulimia. It was AWFUL. I switched it off and started searching for information on the documentary, to try and get an update on whether the women featured were even still alive.

I’ve been asked to write about eating disorders on multiple occasions and so, here I am, writing about it. This is such a loaded and emotional subject, People who have suffered from ED’S sometimes have someone say, “Whatever, you were never that skinny, you were never that sick, you’re just pretending”. There is a common misconception that only the painfully skinny girls have eating disorders. It’s simply not true. There are plenty of average-sized and chubby girls who have them too. Just because it doesn’t manifest itself on the outside doesn’t mean it’s not affecting your body, your mind, your quality of life.

Once upon a time, One of my best friends was anorexic. Her problems with eating and food really began when she moved away from home. I think she wasn’t ready to accept the responsibility of being an adult. I remember her saying, just before she recovered, that all she really wanted was to get really sick so she would have to go home and live with her parents again. She just wasn’t ready to deal with the world, so her solution was to get sick and revert back to being a little girl. The people she was associating with had weird food problems of their own, which she never really thought about until much later, but of course the people you spend time with influence you, everything rubs off.

I’m not going to talk about how she ate or all the times I saw her jump on the scales all the time or cried in front of the mirror… I don’t think that’s helpful. Just know that she was miserable, and she honestly thought that losing weight was the only way she was going to fix things.

If she had not taken steps to get over it, there is no way she would be where she is today, (A buyer for Topshop no less!). She never would have thought she was capable of doing anything like that — she hated herself. However now she is a completely different person today than she was even a year ago. She is so much happier, she has done so much work on herself.

Here’s another thing about eating disorders: they are really boring. It’s all you can think about. You obsess in supermarkets and freak out. Your personality starts to disappear. You sit in your room and smoke and try to keep yourself busy, distracted. You don’t want to go out with other people because they might eat something and then what would you do? It’s pathetic, it’s ridiculous. I actually call her once and said “You know, having an eating disorder doesn’t make you interesting. You were interesting BEFORE. This shit is making you BORING.” She didn’t agree with me; she couldn’t. she didn’t have the self-esteem. But now, of course, she sees that I was right. (As harsh as I sounded!)

The cult of eating disorders is seductive. It beckons to you with a slim finger. You think you’ll be okay, you’ll just halve your food intake and continue to function as normal, but lose weight. You’ll be like one of those models: thin, gorgeous, beautiful, popular, intelligent and capable of living like a normal person. It is NEVER like that.

I have read and thought a lot about this subject and by now, I am totally convinced that it is never really about food or body image. The media doesn’t help, but that’s not really it. Eating disorders blossom into being because of lack — lack of love, lack of self-esteem, lack of support, lack of control, lack of direction. An eating disorder is simply a convenient place to channel your frustration. Some girls eat to fill themselves up because they feel unloved, others starve themselves in an attempt to take the reins of a world in which they feel they have no impact. It is different for everyone, but it is never as simple as, “I want to be thin”, it is never as simple as disliking food, or loving it too much. Ever. The eating disorder is the symptom, not the cause.

If you really want to be in control of your own life, be joyous and don’t let anyone take it away from you.

Please, please, please, look after yourselves. Eating disorders are so destructive; they take over your entire life quickly. Even if you think you’re not losing weight, or it’s not making a difference, there is trouble brewing beneath your skin. At the time you won’t care, all you want is to be skinny and glorious, but when your teeth start falling out, you start vomiting blood or you have to go to the hospital for colonic irrigation because you’re so constipated, you might change your mind.

You are enough, you have enough, you do enough. You may not believe it, but it’s true. You have worth, and people love you, no matter how bad a person you think you are. You have to learn to accept and love yourself the way you are! I know it sounds cheesy but it is true. It is the key to happiness.

My friend? She has cupcakes for breakfast sometimes, is happy, healthy and looks better than ever!

You are BEAUTIFUL!

Twitter: @itsraimdeer

Facebook: facebook.com/raimisays

(All images sources available by clicking on the picture themselves)

A Basic Shoe Collection: What You Need!

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I received this email from Katie:

“I’m currently in the process of trying to expand my shoe collection (on a budget) – but since I can’t afford my every whim (just-graduating-ex-university-student) I’m looking for a a well-rounded shoe collection. Trainers, heels, flats, boots, sandals, etc… and I was curious to know what you think the ‘basic’ shoes are to have in your closet? I know trends change but I mean those timeless basic shoes a girl can fall back on whenever!”

I guess that really depends on your lifestyle and wardrobe. Obviously being a guy I am taking this from my girlfriends advice, and what I think!

Here are my picks for basic shoes to own: one pair of each.

Sandals

Just because, quite frankly, in summer you’ll die without them. Of course, you can take your pick as to style — some people like a dressy, elegant, evening sandal while others will be perfectly happy with a pair of flip-flops. I would go somewhere in the middle: flip-flops drive me crazy (they’re just not comfortable and I always feel like a slob in them) and an elegant sandal might not be day appropriate.

Boots

For winter, though most of my friends’ get worn throughout the year. I would recommend going for a classic black or brown boot to at least mid-shin (primarily because if it rains, you’ll want some coverage on your leg). You pick the details — laces, buckles, buttons, high heels, flat soles, platforms, wedges — but I would advise that you go for something simple but good-lookin’. This is your basic shoe collection, right? You can buy fancy fashionable boots some other time. Just buy something that you think you’ll be happy wearing in five years time.

High heels

While you may hardly ever wear them, I think a good pair of black high heels should be mandatory in every woman’s wardrobe. They are the perfect shoe for almost any occasion, and if you don’t have them, you’ll probably find that some outfits just don’t work properly. Again, you might think heels are an awful torture device, but good ones can actually (gasp!) be comfortable. Buy some of those gel inserts by Scholl’s called “Party Feet“, stick ‘em inside, wear them around the house for days to break them in, and you’re well on your way to owning a pair of perfectly functional shoes. Plus, heels are sexy, but you knew that right? You will be glad you own them, since they’ll take you from a work function to a funeral to a gallery opening with ease.

Trainers

You don’t have to buy ugly ones!

Essentially, a pair for the gym (or an exercise pair!) and a cuter pair for casual looks I think, would be a good starting point. From there, you can build it up. What do you wear most? If it’s the boots, maybe you can buy a couple more pairs in different styles). If you wear the heels most often, buy some in different colours. You get the idea.

My primary recommendation with shoes, and heels especially, is to spend as much as you possibly can. You only have one pair of feet baby, and if you cram your feet into bad shoes for years, eventually you won’t be able to wear anything but ugly orthopaedic flats… and nobody wants that. So take your time when you buy shoes. If you’re not sure whether they fit or not, ask to take them home. Then walk around your house all night to see whether they’re going to kill you or not. A bad pair of heels will really make you miserable, and it’s hard to be happy when your feet hurt — just ask anyone in retail!

Hope this helps!

Twitter: @itsraimdeer

Facebook: facebook.com/raimisays

(All images sources available by clicking on the picture themselves)

Raimi Says

'look good, feel good'

Category Archives: life

”A Sucker for curries”

Dealing With the Online Haters!

Beating the Christmas Blues ”AKA MAN FLU”

Coffee Catch up with Nada Adelle

I Don’t Know What I Want To Do With My Life!

How To Keep Your Relationship Fresh!

Dealing With the Online Haters!

Christmas Is a Time of Love, So How Do You Make Long Distance Love Work?

Eating Disorders: The Cold Hard Truth

A Basic Shoe Collection: What You Need!

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